Homecoming
by Anarchist278
Summary: Nathan has been in Iraq for the past eleven months and now he is finally coming home. A one shot spread over four parts.


**A.N Hi all. This is just a little story I came up with the other day in response to a challenge that was posted on another board. It's a one shot and will not be continued.**

**Disclaimer:- I have no rights to any characters apart from Natalie...The song used in this story does not belong to me either.**

**Well I hope you all enjoy it and would love to hear any thoughts you have to offer on it so leave me a review.**

**Homecoming**

_**Part One**_

_Nathan's coming home today._ The words echoed through her mind as she opened her eyes that morning. She got up from the bed that they had shared for barely a month before he had left. Barely a month they had shared of married life before he had been sent away from her. She walked to the shower a myriad of thoughts and emotions going through her mind.

_Nathan's coming home today._ In the pit of her stomach was a feeling that she could not ignore. Getting out of the shower she barely made it to the toilet before she vomited. Maybe it was nerves maybe it was something else. For so long she had been looking forward to this day and now it was here, the day that should be one of the happiest of her life.

_Nathan's coming home today._ Her thoughts went to their wedding day, the day that she had pledged her life to his, the day that he had promised to be with her forever. The vows echoed through her mind. _Do you Nathan Daniel Scott take Haley Lydia James to be your lawful wedded wife?_ He had looked at her with such love in that moment before he had quietly but firmly uttered the words that would bond them together for life. _I do._ She had felt such unmitigated joy in that moment, a feeling that her life was finally beginning, what had come before had been nothing but a preparation for this moment, the moment where she joined her life with his irrevocably.

_Nathan's coming home today._ Less than two weeks later they had received the news that he was being shipped to Iraq as part of a convoy that was supposed to return peace to the war torn nation. She had been a mess in the days that followed before finally realising that she needed to make the most of every moment that the two of them had together.

_Nathan's coming home today._ She heard the cry from the other bedroom and walked in gazing adoringly at the six week old baby lying in the crib. She had her mother's nose but everything else about her was Nathan. It had been hard going through the pregnancy without him, hard knowing that he would not make it home in time for the birth, but somehow she had managed, counting the days and then the hours until they would finally be together as a family. She picked Natalie up from her crib, changing her diaper and dressing her as she crooned to her softly, before taking her out to the car to go to the airport.

_Nathan's coming home today._ As they drove she allowed her mind to slip back through time back to that day almost exactly eleven months ago where they had stood before the celebrant pledging their love to each other. _I Haley Lydia James take you Nathan Daniel Scott to be my lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold in sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer until death do us part._ She could picture in her mind so clearly the moment that he had slipped that ring onto her finger and she knew that finally they were one. Pulling into the parking lot she saw that she was still far too early to go and meet the plane. Opening her purse she took out the envelope unfolding the creased piece of paper and reading the words even though by now she knew them almost by heart. The bold handwriting was so familiar.

_**Part Two**_

To my gorgeous family,

Well Hales I can hardly believe that in less than two weeks I will finally be home with you and our daughter. I can't wait to hold you both in my arms. These last ten months have been the longest months of my life. The only thing that has got me through is knowing that I'll be coming back to you.

I've told you before how hard it has been being over here but every day I've looked at the picture of you on our wedding day and told myself that it's worth it because every day has brought me one step closer to being back with you in our home. Knowing that I am finally going to get to see our daughter and hold her in my arms for the first time has me so excited Hales I can hardly tell you.

Tim is still here, he has another two months of service after I leave and I don't envy him one bit because as much as we get to know these guys it has made such a difference to me having a face from home over here. As stupid as it may sound it's like having a link to you and to Lucas and to everyone else that I've missed so much. Tim knows all of you and when I talk about you I know he understands.

Ok Hales well I know this has been short but I have to go we're doing another sweep of a militant area nearby. Plus why waste the paper I know I'm going to be back with you soon. Ha-Ha. Make sure you keep the bed warm for me because if I have my way we won't be leaving it for at least a week.

I love you Hales and I can't wait to see you. Give Natalie a big kiss for me. Oh one more thing you know that skirt I like, I know you know the one I'm talking about do me a favour and wear it to the airport. Give me a real welcome home.

I guess by the time you get this I'll probably be on my way home so until the moment that we see each other in that airport and I can tell you face to face remember that I love you Hales and I can't wait to be with you again.

Love Nathan.

_**Part Three.**_

She stood out on the tarmac watching as the plane taxied in to place. They had tried to tell her that she had to wait inside the airport but she had insisted and eventually they had given in. She wanted to be right there when he left the plane not waiting anxiously in some waiting area surrounded by crowds of people. This moment was for them and them alone.

She hugged Natalie tighter to her chest and felt a hand come to rest on her shoulder and she knew without turning that it was Lucas, silently trying to calm her frazzled nerves. That was what Lucas did he stood in the background of her life always there to help her when she needed it, a silent but ever present force in her life always there when she needed him.

Her eyes were glued to the plane the waiting almost unbearable as she waited for the doors to open, waited for him to run off that plane and into her arms. She watched impatiently as people began to leave the plane none of them the person she was looking for. She scanned the faces looking for those piercing blue eyes that she knew would light up as they came to rest on her and their daughter, but still she could not see him. The crowd dispersed on their way in to customs and passport control all anxious to get to the loved ones that were waiting inside for them.

Finally there was no-one left bar the flight staff and she felt her heart constrict. _It can't be true._ She felt Lucas' hand tighten on her shoulder and reluctantly turned her head. Soldiers surrounded the cargo hold and her legs began to get weak. They formed a guard of honour as the casket was removed from the plane, draped in the stars and stripes of the American Flag. She heard a sob from behind her and knew instinctively that it was Brooke but still she didn't turn, her eyes were glued to the slowly moving wooden box.

Brooke was crying uncontrollably behind her but although she was sure that she should also be overcome with grief and emotion also the only thing she felt was an incredible numbness spreading over her body. Inside her head she was shouting _It Can't Be True. It Can't Be True. _But no words spilled forth from her mouth instead she just stood there watching in silence waiting for the moment when someone would wake her from this nightmare. But nobody did and the moment stretched before her like an eternity.

She was vaguely aware of Lucas speaking into her ear but she couldn't hear his words over the rushing in her head. Her mind seemed to be filled with senseless words and moments from her past all jumbling together begging to be free. She pushed them down she couldn't let herself remember not now. Later she would think back and she would remember all the good times but not now. Now she could only live in the moment that was here and somehow get herself through to the next one. She smoothed a hand down over her skirt, the skirt, the one he had made her promise to wear. She could feel the lump of emotion swelling in her throat but she swallowed it back down, she could not allow herself to cry. If she cried then all of the feelings would come out and she couldn't deal with not yet, maybe not ever.

One by one the small group moved away as the hearse left the tarmac bound for the funeral home. Lucas was talking to her again but it didn't matter nothing he said could change anything. **_Nathan was dead._**

**_Part Four_**.

She sat in the front row of the crowded church, clutching Natalie close to her chest. Her parents sat on one side his on the other. She knew Lucas and Brooke sat directly behind her, knew because as always she felt his comforting presence behind her in the form of the hand resting on her shoulder. But she didn't look her gaze remained steadfastly on the coffin in front of her so close that she could almost reach out and touch it. He lay merely a few metres away from her and yet it may as well have been a million miles. She would never again hear his voice, or his laughter feel his arms around her, be taken to the dizzying heights that only he could take her to as he pleasured her body in every way imaginable. But worst of all she would never get to see his face as he looked upon their daughter for the first time, she would never get to see him take the infant is his arms and experience the true joy of parenthood. So much had been stolen from them and they would never get it back. It was gone forever.

She knew that the minister was speaking although she didn't hear his words, she was aware of the people making their way to the front of the church reading passages from the bible and talking about what a wonderful man he had been but she heard none of it. The cacophony of voices in her head had risen to a deafening crescendo and her only urge at that moment was to run, to try and escape the voices in her head, voices of her past, voices that were supposed to be part of her future but that would never be heard by her ears again. Desperately she looked first to one side and then the other looking for some sort of escape route. She couldn't sit here and let this continue. This wasn't really happening. It couldn't be.

But there was no escape and so she sank back into her seat still waiting to wake up from the dream that had encapsulated her life. She looked up at the sound of the music and saw Lucas, Dan, Jake and her father each move to the front of the church to stand by the coffin. _No she wanted to scream. No you can't take him._ But the words lay dormant in her throat.

The words of the song somehow filtered through all the other noise in her head and she felt her throat swell with emotion.

Would you hold my hand  
If I saw you in heaven?

There was an ache behind her eyes as she struggled to see what lay in front of her.

Would you feel the same  
If I saw you in heaven?

But more than anything there was an ache deep within her chest. She guessed that it was her heart. Was this what people meant when they said their heart broke?

I must be strong and carry on  
'cause I know I don't belong here in heaven...

She started to move her head back and forth slowly at first and then faster as the words of denial formed on her lips. _No she wanted to yell. I don't belong here without you._

She could feel the concerned glances of those around her but at that moment she didn't care. Nothing mattered at that moment except that she had lost the man she loved, the man that she was supposed to spend the rest of her life with, the man that she was supposed to raise her children with and grow old with. This was not supposed to be happening. This was the sort of thing that only happened in the movies this didn't happen to regular people like her.

Time can bring you down, time can bend your knees  
Time can break your heart, have you begging please...begging please

Beyond the door there's peace I'm sure  
And I know there'll be no more tears in heaven...

She could feel Deb urging her to her feet, hear people crying all around her but still the tears would not come. She stood holding Natalie and started to walk from the church following the slow procession, walking behind the men who carried her husband.

As they left the church she heard the last strains of the song and stopped to listen.

I must be strong and carry on  
'cause I know I don't belong here in heaven...

People slowly left the church milling around her. They came forth offering their condolences but she merely smiled and nodded deaf to their words. Her family crowded around her like a horde of guard dogs ready to drive anyone away who upset her but she knew it was a waste of time. Nothing any of these people could say could affect her because she wasn't here. This wasn't her. It was all just some messed up dream.

She felt her father's hand grip her elbow. "Haley we need to go." She nodded mutely uncaring of where he was taking her. None of this was real. If she just kept telling herself that then it would be true, she had to believe that.

Arriving at the cemetery she sat in the chair provided unaware of the people around her, all of her attention focused on the casket in front of her suspended above that deep hole in the earth. _Nathan's in there_. A voice deep within her subconscious murmured. She shook her head hoping to drive it away. But the voice became louder practically screaming inside her head. _NATHAN'S IN THERE_ and she could no longer drown it out. She could no longer ignore the truth. That box contained her husband's body and they were going to put him in the ground. She had been so caught up in her denial that she had almost missed the opportunity to say goodbye.

Standing up from her chair she handed Natalie to her mother and walked to the coffin. The minister grew quiet and she heard people start to move towards her. She turned back to them softly shaking her head as tears filled her eyes. "No, it's ok. I just need to say goodbye."

She turned back to the coffin placing her hand on it. "Goodbye Nathan, I'll always love you," bending down she placed her lips to the wood giving him her final kiss goodbye.

Walking back to her seat she sat down once again tears now falling freely from her eyes. The numbness and denial were gone and now she could feel everything but she had done what she had to do she had said goodbye to her husband, to the father of her child and to the love of her life.


End file.
